I had a massively huge ‘awareness’ the other morning at 3am, actually, it was probably closer to 11pm that night, but the full realization of the immensity of it took a few hours to really hit home.

I realized I don’t have a ‘why’. It’s really that simple…and that complicated. So let’s work through this so you have a better sense of what I’m talking about.

I started working when I was 13 years old and my why at that time was to prove my parents wrong about pretty much everything. At 20 I was a single mom and my why became ensuring my son had every opportunity to have the best life possible. Fast forward a few years and my why became achievement in my career – I was focused on how high I could go, how much I could achieve and how many ways could I dominate my arena.

A few more years go by and I realize that an achievement-based driver is going to kill me…literally, so I back off and my why becomes my health because I’ve now been diagnosed with a dis-ease and the doctors are telling me I have 7 years to live (this was in 1998 in case you’re wondering). My daughter was also born at that time and she, too, was part of my why.

Well, fast forward to today and my son is 20 years old and on his own, I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been, my daughter is 13, and while not out on her own, is making her way in deciding who she’s going to be.

Through the process of my journey I’ve released my attachment to material possessions (we sold everything we owned before moving back to Halifax and arrived with 13 bags of luggage), so the new car, new house, new clothes just aren’t enough to do it for me.

Apparently I’m flat out of ‘external’ drivers to be my why. Oh.My.God – I’m going to have to look inside for one – CRAP! I hate that! Because now I need to look, let’s hear it…A-GAIN…at my own crap - geez Louise!

So I’m sitting there at 3am, and I start thinking about how this is also affecting so many other people I know, especially those who are ‘aware and awake’. Some are experiencing financial issues and have, through their journey, released their fears related to money – hence – even that is not a why for them. Others are struggling with relationships and have had to learn to be comfortable being alone – so even supporting or wanting things for another person has been stripped away as a potential why.

I know SOOOO many people (many of you who are now reading this) who have had the courage to step onto their journey of waking the frig up – who have faced incredible growth, misery and even despair as you’ve trudged through recognizing and resolving your own crap. Many of you have stepped out of the mainstream in search of something more – or even some way to share your gifts – again this takes HUGE courage.

But I’m also seeing many of us fumbling on our path, or at least that’s what it feels like based on the results we’re seeing. Because here’s the reality – most of us come from a corporate background or at least have a significant level of business sense/experience and we have wicked amazing gifts, products and services to offer the world. It’s not a matter of not knowing ‘what’ to do.  We know WHAT we’re supposed to be doing – it’s the doing of it that seems to keep hitting a brick wall. Or sometimes we’re doing and doing and doing and the results are simply not showing up as an indicator that we’re on the right path – so we keep questioning ourselves, our direction, or products, services or gifts – when I’m starting to think that that is not where the issue lies.

We wonder if we’re intuitively sensing that the timing isn’t right, if it’s not the right market, if we have hidden fears about success or failure that are holding us back. For some of you that may actually be the case – but for those of you who have done the work – I disagree – I think you simply haven’t found your ‘why’ – and the worst part is, you didn’t even know you lost it.

Even when we work for someone else we have a ‘why’ – we want to do a good job, we feel responsible to our clients and co-workers to deliver on whatever we’re responsible to do. So when you’re sitting there with your own gift, service, product or offering – with nobody to report to – and when you’ve done your internal work and your why is no longer driven by the need or desire for material things, perhaps you don’t have kids or your kids are of an age that they’re no longer a primary driver for you – where does that leave you?

Take a moment to think back on when you had a solid why. It may have been a decision about something you wanted, or perhaps a decision about something you didn’t want. But when it happened and your why solidified it felt like it locked in, and when it did – EVERYTHING started to mobilize and move and created huge momentum to take you towards what you wanted or away from what you didn’t.

Could your why be the missing link?

You may also have come to the place where you believe your why may be about helping others – I know that’s what I believed for a long time. However, for me (and I can only speak for me), that why lost its lustre long ago, without my even being aware of it, because people can only choose to help themselves – trying to help them when they don’t want to be helped is like pushing ropes uphill – a collossal waste of time and a complete energy drain.

I’m going to ask you to take a minute, right now, and see if you can clearly and easily identify your why.

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My why is….
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So, as I sat at the table at 3am the other morning, finding it difficult to breathe because my chest was so full of whatever energy this particular issue was carrying for me, I decided that this is my why:

I want to know the full glory of who and what I was meant to be.

One other quick word of advice from my mentor Angela Gower-Johnson - Don’t allow this issue, or anything for that matter, to become more significant than you!!! That one helped me breathe a lot easier.

Enjoying the Journey! ~Trish