I’m finding that I’m even more excited about the Solstice this year and what it means for me in this moment, than I am about Christmas. This is VERY unusual for me – I LOVE Christmas, even at this age, I am typically up at 5am waiting with butterflies in my tummy for the kids to get up so we can open our gifts. This year, however, I am feeling completely drawn to the Solstice as a balm to my Spirit and as a channel for growth that I simply cannot look away from.
As I lay in bed the night before the Solstice I remembered a conversation I had had earlier in the day with a friend who was being squeezed out his job. I shared with him my insights on the situation from a purely business perspective and then also told him that whatever it was about his “boss” that was triggering him was his own ‘stuff’ that he should look at and acknowledge so it doesn’t come back into his life in another, more aggressive, form. The Shadow Effect as it were (a la Debbie Ford). As I lay there, I thought, hmmm, I wonder if I were to think about money as if it were a person, and look at my relationship with it, what annoys me about it, etc. if I could find something in myself (my ‘stuff’) that needed to be acknowledged.
WOW! It didn’t take long. As I looked at money as a person who triggers me, then looked beneath the reaction to the underlying behaviours to discover my stuff, the word that came to me was loud and clear, “MARTYR”.
Again with the wake-up calls. I would never consider myself a Martyr in how I interact with people, however, once the word came into my mind and I started to look at my relationship to money it was appallingly clear that that was exactly what I was. For almost every job I have ever had I was always willing to take a hit on the money in order to do the work I loved. Or I was willing to work on bonuses based on performance, that I would earn in spades, but never see because the company was bought out, was in a financial downturn or whatever. The reasons don’t really matter, what matters is that each time the Universe was about to rain abundance down on me I would say, “No, don’t do that, I want to love what I do more than I want your money.”
So, then I thought back to Halloween night when I set out a bowl of candies and sat outside with them so I could see all the kids that came by. I thought it would be fun to let the kids choose their own candies from the bowl. “Pick your favourite”, I’d say. 95% of the kids would pick their favourites, say, “Thank-You” and then be on their way. 4% would grab a handful, refuse to look me in the eye and run away before they got caught and 1% of them would look into that bowl, find their favourite candies and grab both of them. Then they’d look me right in the eye and say, “Thank You”. They didn’t feel guilt or remorse or even remotely like they did anything wrong. They felt perfectly justified in taking what they felt they deserved and had every right to have. ‘AND’ not ‘OR’.
What a concept. So, by taking a hit on the money to do the work I loved was a choice. My choice. Man sometimes I shudder to think about how absolutely daft I can be. Conditioning should be a 4-letter word.
So, here’s what I did. I wrote a contract to nullify the contract I had obviously created with the Martyr Archetype. Something to the effect of, “Effective December 20, 2009, Trish Bishop, in all of her iterations and forms, is formally severing her contract with the Martyr Archetype, in all of its variants and iterations, from this day until the end of time….” I made it all very legal looking and put it into the Solstice fire last night to seal it in flame.
Very cleansing. Waiting to see what shows up and to be more conscious about my initial reactions to any circumstances that show up regarding money in the coming hours, days, weeks. I am going to be very aware of taking a moment when a situation presents itself so I can consciously react rather than reacting by patterned behaviours. I understand that the cure (recognizing and releasing the Martyr Archetype from my life) is instantaneous, but the healing will take some time.
Enjoying the Journey! ~Trish